CONDITIONAL AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

From the Scriptures

Isaiah 49.14-18

But Zion said, “Jehovah has forsaken me, and the Lord has forgotten me.”  Can a woman forget her nursing child, and have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet will not I forget you. Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands; your walls are continually before Me. Your builders hurry; Your destroyers and devastators will depart from you. Lift up your eyes and look around; all of them gather together, they come to you. As I live, declares the Lord, you shall surely put on all of them as jewels, and bind them on as a bride.

John 15.1-14

  I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away: and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it, that it may bear more fruit. You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine; so neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine, you are the branches: he who abides in Me, and I in him, the same bears much fruit: for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide  in Me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and they gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned.

If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it shall be done for you. By this is My Father glorified, that you bear much fruit; and so prove be My disciples. Just as the Father has loved Me, I also have loved you: abide in My love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments, and abide in His love.

  These things have I spoken to you, that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full. This is my commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

You are My friends, if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants; for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends; for all things that I heard from My Father, I have made known to you.

From The Writings

Divine Love and Wisdom

People know that the head directs the body under it to do its bidding; for in the head reside the intellect and will, and the body is impelled into action by the intellect and will, so much so that the body is simply an obedient servant. The body is incapable of doing anything unless impelled by the intellect and will in the head; so neither is a person of the church capable of doing anything unless impelled by God.

It does appear as though the body acts of itself. For example, it appears as though the hands and feet in functioning move of themselves, and as though the mouth and tongue in speaking articulate of themselves. Yet in fact they do so not at all of themselves, but in response to an affection of the will and a consequent thought of the intellect in the head.

Sermon

Conditional and Unconditional Love

Today I would like to speak to you about Love.  In fact, two very different kinds of love.  One that is called ‘conditional love’ and one that is called ‘unconditional love.’ Most of you will likely relate to this distinction quite readily.

Jesus demonstrated both of these loves to us.  Sometimes we are not sure which one He is conveying but with a close look we can soon determined this. First of all we must determine what we mean by conditional and unconditional.  Conditional means that we put a price or some terms on what we do for others.  Unconditional means that we attach no strings to what we do for others.  At first this does not seem like it is such a hard thing to do. That is, to not put a price on our actions, or to not expect any return or reward for what we do for others. We may think our deeds have no conditions attached, but when we look deeply into them there always seems to be some ulterior motive.

The only acts of love by human beings that I can think of that are truly unconditional are the acts that a mother performs for her infant children.  Even this does not take long to become conditional.  “I will feed you but then I expect you to be good and go to sleep, or to stop fussing.”  In other words I will love you but only under certain circumstances and if there are certain rewards in it for me.  Couples who are very much in love with one another vow eternal love and enter into marriage with the idea that it will be a union in which their love will be given unconditionally, “in sickness and in health till death us do part.”  It does not take long for us to discover that virtually everything we do for the other person has some kind of condition attached to it.  Many of the conditions are of an emotional or psychological nature. and not of the; “if you do the dishes then I will make the bed”, variety.

I would suggest that the only, truly, unconditional love that we can experience is the love that comes from God in His Divine aspect.  Jesus loves us in a similar way in some instances as He said "Just as the Father has loved Me.  I have also loved you;" But He also was realistic enough to know that we finite humans are incapable of loving in the Divine fashion, and that our love can only ever be a mere reflection of the Divine love.  Therefore as a finite human He allowed that we could love others as He has loved us.  But this human way that Jesus loved us has conditions with it.  “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.  You are My friends if you do what I command you.” Wasn’t it good of Jesus to not put expectations on us that we are incapable of achieving!  The Divine Love from the Father that comes to us through Jesus is provided for us unconditionally.  It is constant and unending (infinite).  We are capable of receiving and experiencing only a minute portion of that love, but what we are willing to accept from the Lord is always there ready to be granted to us.  That is why all mankind has human life whether we believe in God or not, whether we keep His commandments or not, His love is there always ready to be given immediately that we want to receive it.

In the reading from Isaiah it is written, “The People were saying, ‘The Lord has abandoned me, the Lord has forgotten me’. God said, ‘Can a woman disown the son of her womb?  Though she might forget, I never could forget you, see I have engraved you on the palms of My hands.”  Here again is the recognition that humans love conditionally and can withdraw their love even in the situation of a mother for her baby.  But Divine love will never be withdrawn from the reach of mankind.  “I have you engraved on the palms of My hands.” indicates a permanent impression on the Lord in the area that His love manifests itself to humanity with power.  This text speaks to two of our very deep feelings, the feeling of being abandoned and the feeling of being forgotten and of course their opposites which are the feeling of being loved and protected and the feeling of being remembered or recognized.  We have all experienced all of these feelings at various times.  And although we may feel that the Lord has abandoned us and forgotten us this is not really the case.  It is simply that we have abandoned Him or forgotten Him and when we are in trouble or in pain then we wonder why we do not feel His presence.  But in reality it is we who have distanced ourselves from God and not He from us.  His promise is "I will never leave you", so no matter how far we remove ourselves from Him because of His unconditional love He will always be available to us.

We can see in the atmosphere of the earth an analogy to this vast infinite source of Divine Love.  It surrounds us completely and supplies all the elements needed for natural life and for human life.  As we try to understand how Divine love reduces itself down to a state that we can utilize as human love, by what Swedenborg called "discreet degrees", we can use the example of photosynthesis in the air.  The basic natural elements of carbon and oxygen are recycled into the air through the breathing of animals and the burning of fossil fuels.  The suns rays of energy (heat and light) acting on the leaves of plants sets up a chemical reaction that transforms the carbon dioxide into oxygen and carbon.  The carbon is in the form of carbohydrates, which become a part of the plant that we see in its growth, and the oxygen is exhausted into the air where it is used by animals to provide essential nutrients for our cells to grow and be maintained.  It also operates on the mineral elements helping to break down rock that will eventually become soil that holds other elements (absorbable minerals) needed for plant growth.  This is a constant cycle of activity. Throughout the Bible heat and light in their various forms, always correspond to love and wisdom in their various forms.

In the case of love we can also see the constant source and the transformation of its elements into forms that, serve a variety of functions and uses to the human race. Indeed, that love is what is ultimately in the base elements of rock and the gaseous elements that breaks it down into soil.  Love that manifests itself specifically for human use or for use in human relations is the love that comes to us through our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, The Divine Human.  That love is given and if rightly received by us is circulated throughout the whole human race.  It may appear as charity or caring or affection or kindness or support or in a multitude of other ways, but as long as we keep sharing it, it continues to survive and serve its unconditional use that is established by God.  When we stop sharing it and instead hoard it to ourselves it shrivels up lies dormant like a tree in winter that has no leaves and produces no oxygen from the suns rays.

If we are experiencing regeneration, that is being spiritually reborn, the process of regeneration actually mirrors what the Lord experienced here on earth.  In the process which made the Lord’s human Divine there were moments of union and moments of separation or distancing such as when He addressed the Father as if He were a separate person, but always He reminds us that He and the Father are one.  For us, the moments of separation help to establish the importance of the union, which the Lord's love provides.

There are times when we feel at one with other people, and there are times when we feel separate or distant from others.  We need relatedness but we also need privacy or inner space.  Ultimately though our inner thoughts and affections need an opportunity to be expressed: 1. "All things of thought and affection are present in action". 2. "All things prior (thoughts, affections) are present in use, actions, work and doing". 3. "Unless thought and affection clothe and wrap themselves in works and deeds whenever possible, they are like airy phantoms which pass away". (So wrote ES in DLW.)

Despite the power in feelings of separation and the need for us to "find ourselves" in uniqueness, we are connected even in solitude.  Love is what makes the distinction, for every person is their love.  Each of us is distinct from all others, and yet in good or in real love there is a spiritual connection for the love has a common source, which is, “Divine Love” from God.  There are patterns in each of us that separate us from God and from others.  Without feelings of separation we could not become aware of the need to turn toward God and away from whatever is drawing us away from what is Divine.  At times in our separation we feel abandoned and alone or forgotten.  Yet if we pass through these feelings recognizing them as part of our "rebirth", we feel the meaning of the words “I will never forget you.”

As parents and loving neighbors we try to love unconditionally and that is a goal we should strive for because it takes some of the selfishness out of our loving and giving and shows that it is being done for the sake of others and not just for self.  It is the ideal and insofar as the Divine is working in us it is possible.  But we must remember that we cannot generate that kind of love from ourselves, it can only come from the Lord.  He alone is the source of it.  We are privileged and blessed when opportunities arise that allow us to become involved in this wonderful form of love. Our responsibility is to recognize when the opportunity is present and act upon it willingly, as this is our chance to truly show or demonstrate our love for the Lord.  His unconditional love is returned in kind. We can be a channel for God’s Love.

Music: No Truer Love
© 2002 Bruce DeBoer

Used with Permission