The
Divine Marriage:
Becoming One
By
the Rev. Lee Woofenden
Bridgewater,
Massachusetts, December 5, 2004
Sermons on Audio
Genesis
24:54-67 Rebekah goes to
Isaac
When
they got up the next morning, he
said, "Send me back to my
master."
But
her brother and her mother
replied, "Let the girl
remain with us ten days or so;
then she may go."
But
he said to them, "Do not
delay me, now that the Lord has
granted success to my journey.
Send me on my way so I may go to
my master."
Then
they said, "We will call
the girl and ask her." So
they called Rebekah and asked
her, "Will you go with this
man?"
She
said, "I will go."
So
they sent their sister Rebekah
on her way, along with her nurse
and Abraham's servant and his
men. And they blessed Rebekah
and said to her, "Our
sister, may you increase to
thousands upon thousands; may
your offspring possess the gates
of their enemies."
Then
Rebekah and her maids got ready
and mounted their camels, and
went back with the man. So the
servant took Rebekah and left.
Now
Isaac had come from Beer Lahai
Roi, for he was living in the
South. He went out to the field
one evening to meditate, and as
he looked up, he saw camels
approaching. Rebekah also looked
up and saw Isaac. She got down
from her camel and asked the
servant, "Who is that man
walking in the field to meet
us?"
The
servant answered, "It is my
master." So she took her
veil and covered herself.
Then
the servant told Isaac all the
things he had done. Isaac
brought her into the tent of his
mother Sarah, and he married
Rebekah. So she became his wife,
and he loved her; and Isaac was
comforted after his mother's
death.
Matthew
5:14-16 You are the light of
the world
You
are the light of the world. A
city on a hill cannot be hidden.
Neither do people light a lamp
and put it under a bowl. Instead
they put it on its stand, and it
gives light to everyone in the
house. In the same way, let your
light shine before people, that
they may see your good deeds and
praise your Father in heaven.
Arcana
Coelestia #3203 Loving and
living truth
Our
love for truth is separated from
our material mind when truth is
no longer something that we
merely know, but something that
we live. When truth becomes
something that we live, which
happens when we make a habit of
relying on the truth, then it
permeates our whole being in the
same way our innate disposition
or character does. And when it
permeates us in this way, it
flows quite spontaneously into
action, without our thinking
about any of the particular
facts we have learned that form
the truth in us. . . .
It
is similar to how, as young
children, we learn to walk,
talk, think, and use our
intelligence to draw sensible
conclusions. Once we have done
these things regularly enough
that we no longer have to think
about them, so that they are
spontaneous, we no longer recall
the knowledge of how to do them,
because we now do them
instinctively.
Isaac
brought her into the tent of his
mother Sarah, and he married
Rebekah. So she became his wife,
and he loved her. (Genesis
24:67)
This
is the last in a four part
series about marriage based on
the story of Isaac and Rebekah.
In this series we have been
looking at the marriage within
us and within the Lord, and also
at our marriages with one
another. Today we will bring
these all together into one.
In
the story so far, Abraham has
sent his head servant on a
mission to find a wife for his
son Isaac. The servant has
carried this out: he has gone to
Haran and met Rebekah at the
well, and her family also; and
her family has given their
consent to the marriage.
In
today's story, it is the next
morning. The servant says to his
hosts, "Send me on my
way"--with Rebekah, of
course. Understandably, her
brother and her mother are
reluctant to let her go. There
were no phones in those days, so
Abraham's servant did not call
ahead and say, "I'm coming
for your daughter. Get her
ready, and prepare yourselves to
say goodbye." Rebekah and
her family had been living
peacefully, not bothering
anyone, and all of a sudden some
men show up out of nowhere and
say, "We want to take your
daughter." Any one of us in
that situation would probably
want some time to get used to
the idea. So it was a very
reasonable request: "Let
the girl remain with us ten days
or so; then she may go."
But
the servant is single-minded. He
is on a mission, and he plans to
carry it out. He says: "Do
not delay me, now that the Lord
has granted success to my
journey. Send me on my way so I
may go to my master." At
this point they decide to call
Rebekah herself, and ask what
her wishes are. She immediately
says, "I will go."
This, once again shows Rebekah's
character. She is not one to
hold back; she is a woman who
knows what she wants, and puts
her whole self into it. Later in
the story, we find that she is
more than a match for Isaac.
So
Rebekah, having met these people
for the first time the day
before, says she will go with
them. And she and her nurse and
maids return with Abraham's
servant and his men to the land
of Canaan. They go all the way
to the southern part of the
land, where Isaac is living.
Perhaps Abraham has already
moved away, because although
Abraham had sent his servant on
the journey, the servant returns
to Isaac. We do know that
Abraham later took another wife.
Perhaps he has already departed,
knowing that his work for Isaac
is finished, and that it is time
for Isaac to take over as the
head of the household.
The
meeting of Isaac and Rebekah is
beautiful story, told in just a
few understated words. Isaac is
out meditating in the field: he
is a contemplative man, perhaps
communing with God, perhaps with
his own thoughts. He looks up
and sees a caravan of camels
approaching, and probably
recognizes it as the delegation
his father had sent.
Then
we see the other side: Rebekah
on her camel looking out and
seeing a man walking toward
them. She knows in her heart who
it is. She gets down from her
camel and asks the servant:
"Who is that man walking in
the field to meet us?" He
says: "It is my
master"--now referring to
Isaac instead of Abraham. So
Rebekah takes her veil and
covers herself, as a chaste
woman would in those days when
meeting the man she was to
marry.
Isaac
takes Rebekah into the tent of
his mother Sarah, who had died
not long before. Isaac marries
Rebekah, and we are told that he
loved her, and that it comforted
him after his mother's death.
That is the happy ending of this
beautiful story of love.
Yet
we know that marriage is not the
end, but the beginning. Marriage
is a process of becoming one. In
fairy tales, once the hero and
heroine get married, that's the
end of the story, and they live
happily ever after. Wouldn't
that be wonderful!
In
real life, marriage is just the
beginning. The time of
courtship, when we are finding
our partner, when we are
attracted to one another,
getting to know each other,
making the proposal, and up to
the wedding--all of this is like
the process of being formed in
the womb before we come to
birth. When we get married, we
can think of it, not as the end
of the story, but as the birth
of the marriage. That is when we
begin our married life together.
We
do not automatically become one
in spirit just because the
minister has made the
pronouncement, "You are now
husband and wife." Rather,
we start a long process of
becoming one--if we can truly be
one in our hearts and minds. And
marriage is a relationship in
which we not only become one
with our partner, but also one
within ourselves.
Those
of us who have been married, or
who have had a very close
friendship, know that over time
we come to know and love our
partner or our friend in a way
that we couldn't at first. We
come to know the other person on
a deeper and deeper level. It is
like the proverbial artichoke:
we peel away the layers one
after another, moving toward the
heart. We know quite a bit about
our partner even at first. But
as the years and the decades go
by, we get to know our partner
more intimately and more deeply,
and we can become one with our
partner at a deeper level than
we were capable of earlier on.
Several
things are happening here. One
is that as we see more and more
of who our partner is, we begin
to "internalize" his
or her characteristics--to use a
psychological term. In more
practical terms, we come to know
the things that our partner
knows, and to love the things
that our partner loves. So we
bring something of our marital
partner into ourselves, and we
become more like him or her.
Another
thing that happens as we live
together with a person whom we
are very close to is that we go
through an internal process of
becoming more one within
ourselves, in our heart and
mind. As we rub edges against
one another, we find out where
our own feelings and thoughts
conflict with each other. We
discover ways that the things we
say and the things we do don't
quite match.
Marital
partners are good at showing us
where we have work to do. Out in
the world, it is fairly easy to
keep a mask on, and not show
what we are really like inside.
But when we are living with
someone, it doesn't take long
before the masks come off, and
the other person knows exactly
what's inside of us. In this
close relationship, we discover
things about ourselves that we
did not know before. This gives
us an opportunity work on the
inner marriage: putting our
deepest loves together with our
highest thoughts, and becoming
person who acts from the heart,
with intelligence and
thoughtfulness.
As
we become one within ourselves,
we are also becoming more and
more one with our partner, at a
deeper and deeper level.
Swedenborg tells us that in
heaven, married pairs achieve
such oneness that they are not
called two angels, but one
angel. Each does have his or her
own presence and individuality.
One has the face and body of a
woman, the other has the face
and body of a man. Yet it is
easy to see that they are one in
spirit. Swedenborg describes
this oneness in a quote that we
use in our wedding service:
True
marital love is union of souls
and a bonding of minds,
creating a bond in the hearts
and therefore in the flesh. . . .
Its everlasting joys are
innocence, peace, tranquility,
unreserved trust, inmost
friendship, and a mutual
desire of mind and heart to be
of every possible service to
each other. (Marital Love
#179, 180)
This
is our goal in marriage: to find
that kind of oneness; that kind
of interdependence, peace, and
tranquility; that kind of
heartfelt desire to be of every
service, of every good, to one
another. This is something we
don't immediately achieve, but
that we work for throughout our
lives. And this applies to us
whether we are married here on
earth or not. Marriage is first
and foremost something that
takes place inside of us. And if
it does take place inside of us,
then whether or not we find our
partner here on earth, the Lord
has someone waiting for us to
spend eternity with. This is
something we can all hope for,
aspire to, and work towards.
Turning
from our life to the life of the
Lord, we know that our process
is parallel to the Lord's
process. The Lord showed us the
way in his outward life, and
especially in his inward life.
We will never achieve the
fullness of union that he did.
Yet we can always be working
toward the oneness with God that
he fully achieved.
In
his life on earth, the Lord
Jesus was moving toward a full
union: toward a seamless flow
from the divine heart of his
infinite divine love, through
his divine mind (the
"divine rationality"
that we have been talking about
in other sermons), into his
words and actions. If we watch
him in action in the Gospel
stories, we see that there is no
hesitation in his words. He acts
immediately from the heart, but
also with great intelligence and
wisdom. Looking at the Lord's
life, we see the seamless
flowing of a spirit that is one
within itself.
I
hasten to add that we also see
times when the Lord struggles
within himself. It was not until
the very end of his life--until
after his crucifixion, until the
resurrection--that he achieved
full oneness. Yet we can see his
oneness illustrated during his
life in his interactions with
the people, with the scribes and
Pharisees, and especially with
his closest disciples.
We,
too, are moving toward a
oneness--though at a finite,
limited level, in contrast to
the infinite oneness that the
Lord achieved. And it takes us a
lifetime to achieve the level of
inner oneness that we are
capable of.
Swedenborg
gives the example of learning to
walk. When we are little and we
are learning to walk, it is hard
work. As one-year-olds, and we
are determined to get up and
walk. It doesn't matter how many
times we fall. We keep on trying
and trying. We keep on working
at it until we are finally able
to walk. At first it takes all
of our concentration. We may be
walking along doing fine, and
then somebody says something to
us and we look up . . .
and boom! Over we go! We can't
pay attention to walking and
listen to someone talking at the
same time. Just walking requires
all our concentration.
But
as we walk more and more, it
gets to be second nature. Soon
we don't even think about it.
How many of us think, as we are
walking down the road, "Now
let's see . . .
first I have to put my right
foot forward, then I have to put
my left foot forward"? We
don't think about it anymore
because it has become part of
our character.
This
is what Swedenborg means when he
speaks of truth moving from the
level of our external, material
mind into our inner selves. When
the truth moves into our inner
selves it becomes part of us. We
no longer even have to think
about it; we just act on it. We
experience this in many ways: in
having children and figuring out
how to raise them; in going into
a new career and having to learn
how to do work; and so on.
Whenever we start something new,
it is always a challenge. We
have to think hard about it and
work at it. Then as time goes by
we become good at it, and it
becomes second nature.
It
is the same with our spiritual
life. Whenever we start a new
phase of our spiritual life, we
have to work at it, we have to
try hard, and it seems very
difficult.
To
give another example from
outward life, other day my son
Chris was practicing his guitar.
He is just fine picking out a
melody on the strings. But for
some reason he has a mental
block about playing chords. We
asked him to play the songs that
have chords, and he just kept
saying, "I can't do it! I
can't do it." We said to
him, "Of course you can.
And if you're not going to, you
might as well not take guitar
lessons, because you are won't
be able to play guitar if you
don't play chords." He just
kept saying, "I can't do
it! I can't do it!" I went
upstairs, and a few minutes
later I heard guitar chords
floating up the stairs. It
wasn't that he couldn't do it;
it was that it was a struggle
for him, and he didn't want to.
That's
how it is for us when we turn
over a new leaf. It's a
struggle, and we don't really
want to do it--to speak a nice
word instead of a nasty one, to
do the dishes when we'd rather
watch television, to go the
extra mile in anything. But if
we can make it through, we get
to the point where the thing
that seemed so hard at first
just becomes a part of who we
are, and is built that right
into our character.
We
get married and become one
within ourselves when we have
gone through the struggle; when
our head and heart have gotten
to a point where they work
together, and we are at one with
ourselves, loving, believing,
and doing what is good and
right. This is a lifetime
process. We go through it over
and over again in little ways.
And in the course of our entire
lifetime we also go through a
process of gradually bringing
our heart and our head together,
centered around loving God and
loving one another.
This
is what Jesus is talking about
in our reading from Matthew.
When we put our love into
practice, and show our light in
our actions, that is when our
light is not hidden under a
bowl, but is put on stand. We
let our light of truth shine
when we put it on the stand of
good deeds.
We
may think that truth is all
about believing and talking. But
truth is really about acting. It
is about guiding us on the right
path in our lives. And when, in
our actions toward everyone
around us--toward our marital
partner, toward our family, our
friends, our coworkers--we let
our spiritual beliefs guide our
actions, we are putting our
light on a stand. Even if it is
hard at first, the more we live
out our beliefs, the more our
light shines out.
When
we can do this, we are
spiritually married: our heart
and our head are one, and they
are working through our hands.
And then, as Jesus says,
"our light will shine
before people, so that they may
see our good deeds, and praise
our Father in heaven."
Amen.
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