For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.

Genesis 2:18,24

Image by Cookie's Graphics

The essential element of marriage is the union of personalities or minds. Further, we can know from this that the intrinsic quality of the personalities or minds determines the quality of the union, and also the quality of the love between the two.

Now it is possible to see from where true marriage love comes from - namely, that its first formation occurs in the minds of people who are in a married state. From there, it descends and branches out into the body, where it is perceived and felt as love. Actually, anything that is perceived and felt in the body has its original in the body's spiritual level, because it originates from discernment and intention. Discernment and intention make up the spiritual person. 

Emanuel Swedenborg, Heaven and Hell
first published in 1758

Marriage in Heaven?

Could it be possible? Most people long for it - those who are in a good marriage often times are saddened when they think of Jesus' words as recorded in Matthew 22:23-32 (also Mark 12:18-27 and Luke 20:27-38).  Even many of those who have suffered through the torments of a bad marriage or who have never married  still long for the ideal of true marriage love. 

And if there is no marriage in Heaven, does this indicate that we are without gender when we cross over into the next life? An honest person is going to feel sick about these teachings - way deep inside, it sounds hideous. Others have managed to remove themselves from thinking on these questions and in blind obedience to what church leaders have taught for centuries, have simply told themselves that it won't matter on the other side - we must accept what God has planned for us. But what has God planned for us? Can it be so radically different from this life? Can God take us, snap His fingers and change us in an instant? And if that is true, then why did God institute marriage in the first place? All through the Bible, there are all kinds of stories and imagery referring to marriage - if marriage was so unimportant in the life to come, then why did God place special emphasis on it in this life?

Well, I have good news for all of you - we have simply been taught incorrectly how to view this passage. Yes, that's right - we are interpreting that passage through our literal eyes (understanding) and not our spiritual eyes. Remember, Heaven is in the Spiritual World - and in order to understand correctly how Heaven works, we better get used to viewing things in a spiritual light.

Emanuel Swedenborg, in the 18th century wrote about Marriage in Heaven. Yes, it does exist! For those who are in a happy marriage in this life, they will simply and delightedly continue the marriage on the other side. For those who have failed in marriage and still cling to the ideal of marriage love, they will meet their "soulmate". Swedenborg never used the term soulmate, for it is basically a modern term. But the meaning is very clear in his writings. For those in a marriage that is less than ideal, both parties will meet their respective soulmates and they will be indescribably happy. 

Okay, still haven't explained how to look at that passage, have I? In this world, people enter into the marriage for other reasons besides spiritual - there may be spiritual reasons for that marriage, or no spiritual reasons. But there are other elements besides spiritual for marriage - many people marry for financial reasons - for social status, for physical attraction; the reasons are too numerous to try to cite here. The heavenly marriage is based solely on the spiritual bonding of two individuals - and that is why legal marriage on this side is not enough to bond two individuals together here on the other side - there must be spiritual bonding. And that is why when engaged people lose their loved ones in death that they very often say that they were already married in their minds - this is a true statement regardless of the legal or sexual bondings that did or did not take place - the fact that it was a spiritual bonding is what cements them together.

Oh yes, what about the angels? Swedenborg again has something amazing to say about that - angels are NOT a separate race of created beings - they are simply people who have lived in this life previously and have chosen to love God and to love their neighbor. That's right - each and every time we do a kindness for another individual, without selfish regard to our own self, we are being an "angel-in-training!"

Okay - so now we know that it is the spiritual bonding that is the true connection. Does this mean that there is no physical bonding of bodies in Heaven - in other words, there is no gender and therefore no sexual union? According to Emanuel Swedenborg, our spiritual bodies look very similar to our physical world bodies - so much so, that people in Heaven could not tell the difference, with the exception that they were blemish free - perfected bodies. We retain our image of male and female. Swedenborg wrote that married people in Heaven do have sexual relations - and he explained that actually sexual union in its highest form is part of the spiritual bonding between marriage partners.

What about gays? Swedenborg never addressed the issue of homosexuality; however, as I read through his writings (22 volumes to date of 35), I am convinced that gays too will unite with the one of their heart's desire and enjoy marriage. Remember, it is the joining of inner, spiritual bonds that make a  true marriage.  One branch of the Swedenborgian Church (Convention) has ordained a gay minister. For more in-depth reading: Marriage as the Conjugial Metaphysic of the Divine 

I know from the experience of having my fiancé, Jim, returning to talk to me 23 years after his death that he is my soulmate. That bond never died and can never die for we were spiritually married and continue that relationship into eternity. Here is a quotation from Swedenborg that I treasure - may it also give you comfort and peace as well: